It's Good to Talk!

Its good to talk!!

Or so they say, YET IS IT easy to talk about how you feel as a mum of a child with disabilities? It can be a lonely time when others look at you with empathy or even pity. Perhaps offering words of kindness yet secretly thinking I’m glad it’s not me. Words although said in good faith can sometimes come across as harsh and we smile politely but inside we are crying.

I know from my own experience how very lonely I felt even when in a group of mums. I seemed to be on the sidelines looking in and never part of the group. That was my interpretation. What was it that made me feel that way? Was it because my child couldn’t play with other children as they were all running around? Was it because I couldn’t share the milestones with mums because my child wasn’t achieving those? Actually it was both of these and the fact I felt so low I had nobody to talk to in the group.

At work I hid behind a persona and was desperate to carry on as before. Little did I know how wrong this was. Nobody understood how I was feeling and how withdrawn I became. Friends who I thought were friends disappeared. I kept thinking I should be happy having a supportive husband, a beautiful daughter, but I felt sad, permanently, trapped in my own head.  Other mums were getting on with being mums, what was wrong with me.  

The GP diagnosed depression and I was relived and felt a failure at the same time. I was always a strong and a together person, in control and suddenly those words hit me like a tonne of bricks. I was glad the GP listened to how I felt and acknowledged how low I was. It didn’t take away how lonely I felt, but it did make me feel someone listened to me and I wasn’t going mad. With the help of my GP I had a plan to my recovery.

So what ever you are feeling right now, IT IS good to talk. It takes what is in your head as possibly being bigger than the ‘real’ issue by saying the words out loud. Believe me saying how you feel is very different to hearing your internal voice in your head.

Here are a few ideas that may help:

1. If you are waking up in the mornings low, write down how you are feeling before you do anything else. Writing things down off loads your thoughts and you are sharing by writing.
2. At the end of each day write down 3 things that were positive that day or had a positive impact on you – made you feel good.
3. Talk to someone you feel comfortable with, a friend, a work colleague, family. This is someone who you feel will listen and offer genuine support.
4. Talk to your GP, it may just be a period in your life right now whereby you are feeling low. Your GP is there to listen and you can be completely honest.
5. Introduce Meditation to clear the mind. Used regularly Meditation can help eliminate negative thoughts, worries, anxiety, all factors that can prevent us feeling happy 
6. Above all do not suffer in silence, if you are feeling a certain way then its real, accept the way you feel and know it’s how you feel at this moment in time.